It takes years to learn the real truth about any church or group

If you are having misgivings about a group or relationship you are in, just cannot put your finger on it, here's something to try.

A question we can ask is, "Do I feel as though I have to stay on the surface, stay busy, busy with group assigned tasks or face disapproval?

A new member of the message board, "Heart-Heart Balance" has written an
essay describing how a particular church community created a culture which
led people to hide, then disown their true selves.

To look good on the outside, look functional on the outside while concealing
a world of hurt.

As Heart Heart put it, so long as one went only by her pastor's sermons and radio shows, all was excellent. But it took years of living as a member of the church for Heart Heart to recognize that relationships were shallow, that no real intimacy was possible. It takes years to learn what is not said. A church teaches non verbally as well as verbally, teaches non verbally via relationships as well as verbally.

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"I would say, “You can’t impart what you don’t possess” meaning how can you move into the life of another when you have not dealt with your own issues? I believe this is the first step of humility"

Does or did your group's verbal behavior match and cohere with the non verbal
relational behaviors within the church community?

Corboy suggests that readers make a copy of "Head-Heart Imbalance"s essay. Then, use the Find and Replace command.


Substitute the name of the group you are concerned about with the name of the church HH belonged to.

If your group has a bookstore or publisher, substitute that name for the bookstore and publisher mentioned in HH's post.

One family monopolized running HH's church. Substitute the relevant names in your group.

Substitute the name of your master, sheikh, guru with the name of the pastor.

If your group uses (say) the Baghavad Gita, Inayat Khan, substitute the names of those books for the Bible.

[forum.culteducation.com]

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So what happens if you are one who struggles beneath the surface

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There is much good at this church. It was said previously, but when push comes to shove, a similar phrase will be echoed, that being, "The teaching is good, therefore..." Back in the 80's, while I was in the college group, there was a joke surrounding the fact that the "love one anothers" was secondary to accurate expository teaching. In fact, I would say GCC is more a bible college than an actual church. Teaching is the primary focus and imo the distinctive way to manage such a large church. How do you manage the lives of 10,000 people? Keep them very busy! This church has little time for life's mess and complications.

So what happens if you are one who struggles beneath the surface with addictions, OCD, bipolar, same sex attraction and a host of other "disorders?" In short, you are screwed! Strong wording I realize, but when you experience how callous leadership can be, how naive, how controlling mere words fall far short compared to actually hurting others in the name of "love for God and biblical integrity." Again, Pharisaical hangover is alive and well here!

There are some psychological aspects of this church that does reflect cults. One is the the strength of a very strong leader. This gives the sense of security. Most people are followers unwilling to think independently and critically. Religion can be a very empowering experience! Being part of a tribe makes one feel secure. Anyone upsetting this can be seen as a malcontent or worse, leading the flock astray.

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My point here is if you walk with these folks, there are great inconsistencies. There is what I call a “head-heart split” and this is what we see in the quote above by the other poster. It takes time to get inside this culture! Listening only to podcasts or Mp3 messages will never unpack these nuances.

If you look closely at the marriages, you will see highly functional homes but little real intimacy. Stay busy! You will rarely hear any vulnerability or talk of emotions. Everything is very rational and intellectual. The head is very strong, but the emotions muted. You cannot shut off emotions, so they will leak out in subtle ways that manifest in control issues.

Again, how do you maintain control in a huge mega-church? Keep them busy, working, serving, and challenge them intellectually (the pastor is a bible teaching machine type personality which makes them VERY intimidating to approach) unless you speak their “seminary based language” and have the confidence to approach the “elephant in the room.”

Few people ever publicly challenge. Most people want the security of knowing they are right. John MacArthur provides this “emotional security” and “certainty.” I am NOT saying his teaching is wrong, but even with “right” teaching, these dynamics can take place. This is why you can have an “out of sight, out of mind” style of relating.

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What is true reality, meaning, how do we really know how one lives unless you are close enough to experience these personalities (their marriages, kids, etc). If you do not attend GCC or do for less than several years, you will miss all this subtlety. It takes years to see through the external of this highly functional church. Judging MacArthur ONLY by radio sermons will never demonstrate relational issues.

I will give you an example of a Nouthetic counseling experience I had at another church (a sister church of GCC after I left. The pastors went to the Master’s Seminary and are 100% in alignment with GCC). I think this reflects GCC as well overall. You can judge for yourself..