What happened in one JIvamukti Class- Intrusive Preach Teachy

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I wasn’t then aware that Jivamukti instructors are required to give a 15-minute dharma lecture before class. They’re told to stress the yamas, or codes of conduct, for yogic living. These include: Non-harming, non-stealing, non-lying, non-attachment, and the always unpopular sexual continence.

“I like to think of myself as an ethical vegan,” the teacher continued. “And that informs my yoga practice, and it helps me to heal the world. Did you know, you guys, that research has shown if you eat meat, you’re doing more harm to the environment than if you drive an SUV? Think about that while you’re doing your yoga. If 98 percent of the people who drove SUVs stopped driving them tomorrow, it still wouldn’t help the environment because of all the damage that meat-eaters do. So when you’re eating meat, think about all the harm you’re doing to the world because you’re selfish and greedy and don’t think about others.”

This particular dharma lecture confused me. Weren’t yoga teachers supposed to present themselves as humble servants of a higher power rather than moral paragons above reproach or laughter? Also, while I’ve had some raw food episodes in my life, and understand and appreciate the philosophy behind veganism, her science was almost as faulty as her manner was condescending. Someone needed to take her down a notch. The right time to do it, I figured, was during a yoga class attended by a hundred of her followers, while I was toasted to the nines.

“Bullshit!” I said.

My friend looked at me, pained and nervous, pleading with her eyes for me to stop. The teacher heard because she was right in front of me.

“If someone disagrees with what I’m saying,” she said, “they’re obviously not well-informed and are speaking from a position of insecurity.”

“I’m not the only one,” I mumbled under my breath.

This wasn’t going to go well. She huffed haughtily and resumed her dharma talk. Finally, our physical practice began. It pushed way beyond any level I could handle. The flow moved too fast, and many of the positions were new to me. I stumbled around, flinging sweat off my head onto other people’s mats, huffing and sighing. The instructor, by now, had me in her crosshairs. She kept giving me adjustments, though the most effective adjustment might have been to put me in a chair and leave me there.

“Maybe you should practice a little bit before you start criticizing,” she said.

“Maybe I should.”

“Maybe you should.”

“That’s what I just said.”

She walked away. I don’t think I was her type of student. Then again, I’d yet to find a yoga teacher who was naturally drawn to sarcastic, incompetent fat asses. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the practice. Then the teacher’s voice lowered about two octaves, and she started talking much more slowly. In fact, it sounded like another voice altogether.

“Now,” said the voice, “keep your heart open — wide open — and move your shoulder blades apart as you slide your hands into warrior two.”

I opened my eyes as I moved into the pose. One of the women in white was now guiding the practice. This teacher had assistants, for god’s sake.

“Is this some sort of cult?” I said.

My friend, realizing she’d made a horrible mistake by inviting me, drew her lips together with a loud SHHHH.

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the instructor made a joke. By now, we were doing the seated poses, so I could at least breathe. I don’t remember the joke, but, for some reason, I laughed.

“Oh, so the comedian thinks I’m funny,” she said. “I must be doing something right.”

Lady, I’m no comedian, I thought. I’m a comic writer. There’s a difference.

Finally, we got to savasana. Boy, did I need it. I lay down on my rental mat and prepared for ten minutes or so of sweet relief from the nightmarish yoga journey I’d just endured. Then I heard a voice. Some sort of recording was being played. The voice was British, with the hint of a Middle Eastern accent, and as preachy as Noam Chomsky being interviewed by a college-newspaper editor.

“The United Nations estimates,” said the voice, “that more than four hundred thousand people have died in Iraq since the start of the Gulf War. The estimated profits made by U.S. corporations since that time have equaled …”

“Are you kidding me?” I said.

“Please don’t do this,” said my friend, rapidly becoming my former friend.

“In 1980,” said the tape, “Saddam Hussein met with Donald Rumsfeld …”

I stormed out, mat in hand. Sure, I was against the war in Iraq and all, really against it, big time. I’d organized a group to march against George W. Bush’s first inauguration, for god’s sake. My lefty bonafides didn’t need proving. But the last thing I needed to hear during savasana was a recitation of recent U.S. war crimes in the Middle East.

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SolielHow Irritating!

I am so sorry you had to go thru that.

Yuck! How annoying!

It is totally wrong for a teacher to force their ideas on you when you are captive and have little choice in the matter.

I would say yes, teach yoga precepts, but allow the students to figure out what that means and don't force it down their throats.

I've had the same experience in a Buddhism class with an unsufferable teacher. I went to experience Buddhist thought and meditation and much of the time I was a captive audience to my teacher's negative views on this country and the world.

It was totally irritating and arrogant of her...so I am with you.

I don't blame you for reacting the way you did but just for yourself, even if you are in the right, it would be good to learn to not get so upset...just for yourself.

Oh, I am an ethical vegan as well...but this just gives me the creeps.

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LeeLoosMultiPass
THURSDAY, AUG 12, 2010 02:47 PM PDT
Loved this, but. . .

Why the hell did you feel the need to apologize? Okay, perhaps to keep your friend, but seriously, she needed to tell you exactly what type of yoga class you were going to.

All of this new, trendy "yoga" - the sauna-like temps, the spouting of inane anecdotes in the name of "spirituality" - is exactly what you called it: bullshit.

I do it to stretch and move my body. If I get "enlightened" along the way, fine, but that's entirely up to me, not the "instructor." Help me with my poses, yes. And thank you. But leave me to my own inner self.

I'd rather pop in my Lilias tape at home than suffer through what this author unexpectedly was exposed to.

But then, I wouldn't be "cool" or "trendy"

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Inverness
THURSDAY, AUG 12, 2010 03:37 PM PDT
Jivamukti's self-righteousness

Jiva's founders are seriously rich, so I find the self-righteous bit tough to swallow. Plus, they sell a lot of merchandise, for goodness sakes! All that consumerism isn't good for the environment

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stchrsbTHURSDAY, AUG 12, 2010 04:53 PM PDT
You should have called her on more.

I don't get all the criticism about calling bullshit "bullshit." Presumably he paid for what he got and I'd have probably said the same, or just walked out and asked for my money back.

While I'm sure there is plenty good in the exercise people get from yoga, "Spiritual advisers" of any kind are parasites. The world will not be free until the last cleric is burned in the entrails of the last gullible parishioner. Yoga is no different than any other set of religious lies.

In terms of calling him on the pot, sure lots of peoples *have* died to get MJ where it is today, but him talking about taking is not going to effect that in any way, shape or form. The future is total legalization. Obama talks a talk about not raiding legal grows, but the raids are happening regardless against sick people and stoners alike. Every raid against sick people is another grandmother jailed ro arthritis.

The saddest thing in the article is that the guy actually felt guilty about responding to an insult to his intelligence.

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stchrisb
THURSDAY, AUG 12, 2010 05:55 PM PDT
Ah, so facts are irrelevant?

We all learned this in kindergarten. Take turns. It wasn't Neal's turn.

I entirely disagree. When someone is spouting empirically false bullshit, you call them on it when they reach the period at the end of their sentence.

A class is not a play where you'll somehow break the spell of the entertainment for the other students. A class is a place where you go learn things based on facts. If the teacher is factually wrong, allowing them to present a known falsehood is doing everyone else in the class a disservice.

It would only have been Neal's "turn" somewhere far out of earshot of the other students, who after all are the teacher's cash cows. In this instance being "polite" only serves the lie and the liar.

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Xanthro
THURSDAY, AUG 12, 2010 05:57 PM PDT
Sorry, you were in the right

The incident continued to trouble me, though. The teacher had preached, didactically and unpleasantly. But what I'd done in response, I finally realized, had been totally wrong and disrespectful

You had every right to tell the person to shut the hell up.

Captive audiences shouldn't be subject to the stupid rantings of any "instructor."

If this particular branch of Yoga requires some kind of cleansing sermon, it should be rather tame.

For example, if I went to a lesson, and had to sit there and hear someone ranting that evolution is the work of the devil, and dinosaurs aren't real, that person would hear that they are an idiot. Even if it's a religious event. I know, I've done it.

People need to keep their extreme crazy to themselves, or expect to hear from people that they are crazy

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Aunt Messy
FRIDAY, AUG 13, 2010 03:53 AM PDT
gadgi....

Has it occurred to you that crying "bullshit" to nonsense is a sign of SECURITY, rather than the insecurity the teacher upbraided him for?

She wasn't interested in "enlightening" anyone. Her response was intended only to stifle dissent. The tactic she used is as old as the hills, It's the same sort of thing other religious freaks do when they're questioned. They parrot a platitude (God loves you.) that they've been rehearsed in because their church doesn't want them to think too hard about what they're actually saying.

Independent thinking is very dangerous to people like that yoga instructor. If enough people wake up and smell the bullshit, her income will drop precipitously - and it's ALWAYS about the money in the end

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ReRyter
FRIDAY, AUG 13, 2010 07:10 AM PDT
stretched more than a hamstring

I may be the only one here to thank you for your unabashed honesty. It's a horrific situation that you describe--between you being higher than a Lohan and the sanctimonious non-yogic teacher--you managed to drape it in humor.

Yoga is a noun as well as a verb. The noun 'yoga' calls for 'non judgment' on the part of the instructor. That was no teacher--she didn't teach you anything, you were getting hurt and she was stretching her 'power' and did not apply any compassion (because she has none, she only has judgment of you and everyone else in that room- including your friend). As far as the verb 'yoga' goes, that calls for strength with softness, power without being rigidity, and--most importantly-- requires an application of what is appropriate for the individual at the time. Yoga is NEVER a one-size fits all. But that's what you got and you got hurt (not just physically).

I teach yoga. I eat meat. So there. Okay okay so it's organic grass-fed beef (my efforts to clean up food chain). Truth is, every time I enter a room as a yoga "teacher" I need to reassess who is standing in front of me and apply what they need on that day, not what I think they "should" do (I've been teaching the same people for almost 5 years and they keep coming back).

If you had walked into my class as someone who I had never met, I'd have to know something about you before I could 'prescribe' a yoga practice. If I was able to discern that you were mixing your herbs I would not have risked the liability of you doing a full on asana practice. No matter what my ego may have wanted.

If she had an ounce of true integrity as a teacher (and not as some lecturer) you'd have been given a quiet corner with a mat to lay down and a chair or a bumper holding your legs at a 90 degree angle and let you enjoy your high.

East Indians see how Americans are bastardizing yoga, and some will take advantage of that. That's human nature versus our better nature. It's a shame really--it's turned into a bit of sham.

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amazon1019
FRIDAY, AUG 13, 2010 07:24 AM PDT
I'm Glad I'm Not Alone

I'm glad I'm not the only person on the planet who has incurred the wrath of a self-righteous yoga teacher. Ten years ago, I was taking a yoga class that was sponsored through my workplace by a fellow employee who was a certified yoga instructor. (Incidentally, I paid for these classes.) I attended five classes with no incident. In fact, he didn't do any "evangelism" - he just taught the class straight, and explained alot of the physiological benefits of practicing yoga, which I liked. Everything went downhill when one day, because of a bus schedule change (it was scheduled to run only certain times - if I had missed it, I would have had to take a cab home), I had to leave class earlier than expected. I couldn't speak to him before the class due to him being in a staff meeting, so I made sure I placed my mat right next to the door so I could leave quietly without disturbing anybody, which I did. The next morning, when I said "Good Morning" to him, he proceeded to scream at and lecture me in front of a room full of people, about how I had "soiled" the "dignity" of his class. This went on for nearly five minutes, until a co-worker pulled me away. I found out from this co-worker that this guy (who worked in different department than I did) had a history of yelling at co-workers over stupid things (e.g., dishes left in the sink) and that I needed to tell human resources about it.

Needless to say, I didn't attend any more classes, registered a complaint with human resources, got my money back, and called the local yoga center where he gave lessons to tell them about how he treated me, a student.

About a year later, I found out a couple of months after I left the company that he got fired for, you guessed it, verbally abusing a staff member. I realize people are flawed, be they Christian, Buddhist, or believe in the Wizard of Oz, but I always wondered why, if yoga was such a stabilizing, peaceful path, this particular practitioner was such a hotheaded son of a bitch.

Post-script: This guy still teaches yoga at the center where I called to tell them about his behavior towards a student. My friends who practice yoga refuse to take classes there


Anon.
FRIDAY, AUG 13, 2010 09:37 AM PDT
Ugh.

I've been practicing (iyengar) yoga for more than 16 years, and if someone were to start a practice like this, I'd have rolled up my mat and quietly departed, irrespective of how "hot" the instructor was.

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stchrisb
FRIDAY, AUG 13, 2010 05:37 PM PDT
For —gadgiiberibimba

Like yoga class, it would just obnoxious and wrong to interrupt any of these events to hold forth with one's own opinion or offer factual evidence.

I'll agree that he handled his response poorly, more likely because he was stoned, but I disagree that it was the wrong time and place. It's exactly NOT a wedding.

Con artists prey on our desire to be polite all the time. Maybe Neal will never be the type of person that is able to respond to those kind of con artist tactics, with something like "98 percent?! Where do you get your figures?" But he at least *started* something. Other people will notice and pay attention and maybe ask the next time.

Calling a "teacher" on the facts is service to rest of the class, not a disruption. When you buy, you get to ask. The teacher works for the student not the other way around.