Hi Valma,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your very insightful and articulate opinions on the phenomenon of sexually inappropriate relationships between spiritual teachers and their students.
I am very sorry to read that you were yourself involved with some unsavory characters. I respect your decision not to take further action against these men, as you have outlined in your post.
The reasons that young women do not come forward in such cases are many and varied, as has been wildly documented by experienced, qualified clinicians who work in this area.
Some women are "ashamed" of what took place and just want to forget it ever happened. They see the glare of public attention as being very detrimental to their recovery.
I am not saying that these women should feel ashamed or that shame is an appropriate response to being taken advantage of by someone older, more powerful, more experienced, more well-connected and more supported than you are. Indeed, shame is more something that has been created by societal and cultural values- it is something women are 'encouraged' by society to feel, in order to keep them in their place.... keep them silent and complicit.
We see now with the #Metoo movement that women are speaking out as never before, but this movement has also activated old-guard sentiments about what is and is not acceptable as sexual behavior for women.
Women are in the usual double bind. If they do speak out, they are called "attention seeking", "liars", "evil seductresses with bad intentions" and all the rest (of course they are called a lot worse than that!!)
If they don't speak out publicly, they are called "liars", "cowards", and "non-existent" .... yes, women without a public face or a public voice are assumed not to exist at all. The mass-media only care about a face they can put a name to; a face they can cast judgement upon and use for entertainment.
Amma Tanya kept the confidences of the women she spoke to; Be Scofield has done the same thing, and very rightly so.
Thank you Valma.
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your very insightful and articulate opinions on the phenomenon of sexually inappropriate relationships between spiritual teachers and their students.
I am very sorry to read that you were yourself involved with some unsavory characters. I respect your decision not to take further action against these men, as you have outlined in your post.
The reasons that young women do not come forward in such cases are many and varied, as has been wildly documented by experienced, qualified clinicians who work in this area.
Some women are "ashamed" of what took place and just want to forget it ever happened. They see the glare of public attention as being very detrimental to their recovery.
I am not saying that these women should feel ashamed or that shame is an appropriate response to being taken advantage of by someone older, more powerful, more experienced, more well-connected and more supported than you are. Indeed, shame is more something that has been created by societal and cultural values- it is something women are 'encouraged' by society to feel, in order to keep them in their place.... keep them silent and complicit.
We see now with the #Metoo movement that women are speaking out as never before, but this movement has also activated old-guard sentiments about what is and is not acceptable as sexual behavior for women.
Women are in the usual double bind. If they do speak out, they are called "attention seeking", "liars", "evil seductresses with bad intentions" and all the rest (of course they are called a lot worse than that!!)
If they don't speak out publicly, they are called "liars", "cowards", and "non-existent" .... yes, women without a public face or a public voice are assumed not to exist at all. The mass-media only care about a face they can put a name to; a face they can cast judgement upon and use for entertainment.
Amma Tanya kept the confidences of the women she spoke to; Be Scofield has done the same thing, and very rightly so.
Thank you Valma.