Dear anon27:
If even a few veterans of PY form a mate's group of mutual support, that will make a tremendous difference. There are things only another combat veteran can fully understand. Its not just saying the right words after you've spoken or written.
It is those shared silences of mutual recognition.
Human beings are social creatures. We cannot stay contented, sane and healthy unless we are part of groups, communities that are face to face, bodies in the same space.
In a genuine human relationship and community, vitality freely circulates, everyone benefits.
A genuine community relieves fear, it does not instill fear.
A cult is a pretend community, but is not a true community. It exists solely so the leader can suck vitality from the members while giving as little in return as possible. One sign of a cult is how many membersget depleted, soul sick and scared to leave, scared to speak up after leaving.
Here is where cults and bad relationships are the same:
The abuser endlessly demands submission and service from you, but never reciprocates your many sacrifices, and does not show gratitude.
Perhaps though, when the leader senses you're ready to quit, he may take you aside and confide in you, tell you to keep a secret, maybe tell you other students are faltering, ask you to mentor those other students, but not tell them what the leader has just told you.
Secret keeping is a great way to keep a cult going. The leader may disrupt friendships that way, telling one friend to keep secrets from the other friend.
Every so often the cult leader or abuser will sense you are about to leave, and will temporarily turn on the charm, trigger your hope and idealism, maybe take you aside and say you are being singled out for brutal treatment because you are better than the other students and can expect promotion some day. Perhaps the abuser may say they've talked about you to some Grand Lama in the Himalayas and you may be invited for a meeting...
Then the abuse resumes.
One thing cult leaders do is to exploit your emotions while making you ashamed of those same emotions.
vulnerability, while making you make you ashamed of your vulnerability -- and at the same time trick you into believing that receiving this abuse and betrayal means you are tough, tough enough to take it, and that
If even a few of you come together to offer each other validation and comraderie, this would be a huge help.
If even a few veterans of PY form a mate's group of mutual support, that will make a tremendous difference. There are things only another combat veteran can fully understand. Its not just saying the right words after you've spoken or written.
It is those shared silences of mutual recognition.
Human beings are social creatures. We cannot stay contented, sane and healthy unless we are part of groups, communities that are face to face, bodies in the same space.
In a genuine human relationship and community, vitality freely circulates, everyone benefits.
A genuine community relieves fear, it does not instill fear.
A cult is a pretend community, but is not a true community. It exists solely so the leader can suck vitality from the members while giving as little in return as possible. One sign of a cult is how many membersget depleted, soul sick and scared to leave, scared to speak up after leaving.
Here is where cults and bad relationships are the same:
The abuser endlessly demands submission and service from you, but never reciprocates your many sacrifices, and does not show gratitude.
Perhaps though, when the leader senses you're ready to quit, he may take you aside and confide in you, tell you to keep a secret, maybe tell you other students are faltering, ask you to mentor those other students, but not tell them what the leader has just told you.
Secret keeping is a great way to keep a cult going. The leader may disrupt friendships that way, telling one friend to keep secrets from the other friend.
Every so often the cult leader or abuser will sense you are about to leave, and will temporarily turn on the charm, trigger your hope and idealism, maybe take you aside and say you are being singled out for brutal treatment because you are better than the other students and can expect promotion some day. Perhaps the abuser may say they've talked about you to some Grand Lama in the Himalayas and you may be invited for a meeting...
Then the abuse resumes.
One thing cult leaders do is to exploit your emotions while making you ashamed of those same emotions.
vulnerability, while making you make you ashamed of your vulnerability -- and at the same time trick you into believing that receiving this abuse and betrayal means you are tough, tough enough to take it, and that
If even a few of you come together to offer each other validation and comraderie, this would be a huge help.