"I liked myself better before I had to keep so many secrets"

The Downside of Secret Keeping

If you are in a sufi, metaphysical or theosophical lodge keep this in mind
if you are asked to keep silent about why someone has been betrayed, is in disgrace, has been
banished or someone unqualified has been promoted to a higher level through favoritism.

A person recovering from an abusive group said this in another discussion:

It is a painful predicament to hide all this behind a smile.