Dear Kalinika,
Not only the non dual teachings but the retreat setting and retreat guidelines can have a powerful effect on our body chemistry -- and body chemistry includes neurochemistry.
I agree with the others. It sounds as though you've been suffering for a very long time.
One thing to ask yourself is whether anyone else in your family has had trouble with anxiety, depression, work blocks, etc. It may take some of the spooky mystery out of all this just to ask such questions.
Misstyk is right on target. Please do yourself a favor and look for a clinician who can recognize that "meditation" is a powerful intervention, which means it can have side effects.
Ignore anyone who tries to talk you out of consulting a medical professional. You've been utilizing advaita teachings and suffering for 7 years. That is a huge portion of one's life.
Here are some questions to ask yourself. You do not have to give any
answers to these questions on the message board.
(This is information that your doctor will find helpful)
It would be interesting to know the following:
Has anyone in your family had trouble with anxiety, panic, depression?
Was this retreat was in a location and place
familiar to you or were away from home.
Did you pay a great deal of money to attend the retreat? The more money you
pay the more a feeling of anxiety you may have that the retreat justify the expense.
Did they require you to not use caffeinated beverages, painkillers (Tylenol) for the duration of the retreat. Suddenly stopping use of these has a big effect.
Did you stop using any favorite stress reducing substances or activities
* If you use prescription medication of any kind -- did you stop?
* If you use cannabis medically or recreationally , did you stop?
* If you are physically active, did you suddenly reduce your activity while on
the retreat.
Physical activity is a known stress reducer and mood elevator. Physical activity also helps us feel grounded in our bodies. Suddenly reducing
your level of physical activity imposes a *major* change to your body chemistry and neurochemistry.
Did your privacy change? Could you get away by yourself if you needed to?
Did you feel at ease with your fellow retreatants. Did anyone scare you or
anger you or push at your boundaries?
If you are used to having your own bathroom,
your own bedroom and suddenly find yourself sharing a bedroom or dormitory, bathroom, this can be a huge change, in and of itself.
Did you change your customary diet?
Did you reduce your food intake?
Did the retreat diet shift you to less protein and a higher proportion
of carbohydrates than you customarily eat?
Did you go to bed and get up in the morning at your usual times?
Yes, please do yourself a favor and get medical attention for this.
Retreats and meditation affect our bodies and nervous system. Your sufferings
are real and may have a physical basis.
Not only the non dual teachings but the retreat setting and retreat guidelines can have a powerful effect on our body chemistry -- and body chemistry includes neurochemistry.
I agree with the others. It sounds as though you've been suffering for a very long time.
One thing to ask yourself is whether anyone else in your family has had trouble with anxiety, depression, work blocks, etc. It may take some of the spooky mystery out of all this just to ask such questions.
Misstyk is right on target. Please do yourself a favor and look for a clinician who can recognize that "meditation" is a powerful intervention, which means it can have side effects.
Ignore anyone who tries to talk you out of consulting a medical professional. You've been utilizing advaita teachings and suffering for 7 years. That is a huge portion of one's life.
Here are some questions to ask yourself. You do not have to give any
answers to these questions on the message board.
(This is information that your doctor will find helpful)
It would be interesting to know the following:
Has anyone in your family had trouble with anxiety, panic, depression?
Was this retreat was in a location and place
familiar to you or were away from home.
Did you pay a great deal of money to attend the retreat? The more money you
pay the more a feeling of anxiety you may have that the retreat justify the expense.
Did they require you to not use caffeinated beverages, painkillers (Tylenol) for the duration of the retreat. Suddenly stopping use of these has a big effect.
Did you stop using any favorite stress reducing substances or activities
* If you use prescription medication of any kind -- did you stop?
* If you use cannabis medically or recreationally , did you stop?
* If you are physically active, did you suddenly reduce your activity while on
the retreat.
Physical activity is a known stress reducer and mood elevator. Physical activity also helps us feel grounded in our bodies. Suddenly reducing
your level of physical activity imposes a *major* change to your body chemistry and neurochemistry.
Did your privacy change? Could you get away by yourself if you needed to?
Did you feel at ease with your fellow retreatants. Did anyone scare you or
anger you or push at your boundaries?
If you are used to having your own bathroom,
your own bedroom and suddenly find yourself sharing a bedroom or dormitory, bathroom, this can be a huge change, in and of itself.
Did you change your customary diet?
Did you reduce your food intake?
Did the retreat diet shift you to less protein and a higher proportion
of carbohydrates than you customarily eat?
Did you go to bed and get up in the morning at your usual times?
Yes, please do yourself a favor and get medical attention for this.
Retreats and meditation affect our bodies and nervous system. Your sufferings
are real and may have a physical basis.