If you were a child parenting yr family you'd parent Trungpa

Because of many reports that a high number of Trungpa's disciples grew up in
troubled families, this article, from The Atlantic, may be very illuminating.

The article focuses on how siblings turn to each other for support when
the parents are unrealiable.

*** Perhaps disciples of an alcoholic unpredictable guru bond with each other
in a similarly intense manner.

Disciples of Trungpa may have become trauma bonded to each other, as well as to Trungpa.

Losing those peer relationships would have felt agonizing.

It is significant that Butterfield hung onto friendships he had with non
Trungpa disciples -- what Trungpa called 'heretics'. This may have enabled B to question the entire process.

A guru who promises to empower you via Shambhala Training will appeal to
that part of us that felt helpless and craves empowerment.

Making excuses for a drunken tantra master who fails to show up on time
is just like making excuses for a drunken parent who fails again and again to
show up for your school events.

Both entail promises, promises, both entail intimate betrayal, both leave you making excuses to yourself that the alcoholic parent and screwed up guru are not really betraying you -- you are the one who is unloveable or ego driven
for feeling disappointed and angry at them....

When Kids Have to Act Like Parents, It Affects Them for Life

Some people who have to be responsible for their siblings or parents as children grow up to be compulsive caretakers.

[www.theatlantic.com]

Quote

nd if a child’s early experiences at home consisted of making sure everyone else’s needs were met, then the “child doesn’t feel seen.”

This sense of responsibility and compulsive caretaking can follow them into future relationships as well. “You tend to project it onto other people in your life,” Rosenfeld says. This isn’t surprising, claims Jenny Macfie, an associate director of clinical training at the University of Tennessee and another prominent parentification researcher, as “adults who report role confusion in their childhoods may have difficulty with their identity development,” and this in turn, can affect a person’s romantic relationships.

“It’s very easy for me to get into caretaking roles with people who basically exploit my nature.”

For the first half of her marriage, Rosenfeld found herself regularly putting her partner’s needs ahead of her own—essentially mirroring her childhood role.

Others echoed this experience; Kiesel says she struggles with learning how to establish firm boundaries with partners and believes this is directly tied to caring for her brother at a young age. Similarly, Rene says finding the right balance between expectation and autonomy has been a constant problem in her relationships. She’d like to find a partner but has doubts. “It’s very easy for me to get into caretaking roles with people who basically exploit my nature.”

and

Turning the Wheel

[books.google.com]