Viewing each troubling thought or incident in isolation and never
stepping back enough to see that there's an overall pattern.
If you subtract all the spiritual terms and substitute 'addict' or 'alcoholic'
for 'guru' 'master''lama' 'reverend' 'father', 'rinpoche', 'murshid', 'baba'
what you get is the same pattern of secret keeping and rationalizing
that is typical for a dysfunctional family.
"You shouldn't complain, we got treated even worse."
"Master doesn't let just anyone stay here, most applicants get turned away.
They'd love to take your place."
"Guru was really traumatized when he escaped from China/his her family
were killed and tortured. So expect him to be crabby now and then."
"Murshid or Baba or Guru got sick because you had all those negative thoughts
about him."
"Guru is enlightened and you can't pass judgement on what he/she does."
*Rinpoche is only harsh with people who have special potential
-- its a compliment."
"But that is how Rinpoche's own master taught him/her."
"You're a whiny Westerner with a big ego"
"You're an immature Westerner who wants to be spoonfed".
" It's a Tibetan cultural thing, you can't understand."
"We give the authentic training here. The other sanghas don't
have the guts to challenge your ego."
"If you give up now, you'll lose all progress you've made".
* You're overthinking this"
* You're intellectuallizing this"
* Analytical thinking hinders your spiritual progress"
* "It is crazy wisdom"
* "Other places are worse than here, or other places are not even taking students, this is your only option."
If you do point out that there is a pattern, having someone reply:
* Your'e projecting YOUR issues onto this".
(A devastating version of this is for someone to whom you've confided
your own history of trauma to state that these are your own specific hangups being projected. Suppose someone confides to a senior student that she's been
abused in the past. Later, this person is hit on by a lama. (Abusers are
clever at sensing which students lack strong boundaries)
So someone who has confided her past history of trauma to a senior student
may when trying to tell that senior student that the Rinpoche hit on her
by be told by the senior student that she's just projecting fears of past abuse onto the present moment, stop conplaining about Rinpoche and instead, 'deepen her practice'.
You clam up and assume someone else is overseeing the finances or sangha
and that they will remedy the abuses. In Vajrayana it is common to hope that
a few words from the throne holder of the lineage or from the Dalai Lama
will cure all the problems. Troubled followers of Ole Nydahl (Diamond Sanga)
spent years upon years expecting the Karmapa (leader of their sect) to step in
and Make The Problems Go Away. This is the ostrich head in the sand approach.
stepping back enough to see that there's an overall pattern.
If you subtract all the spiritual terms and substitute 'addict' or 'alcoholic'
for 'guru' 'master''lama' 'reverend' 'father', 'rinpoche', 'murshid', 'baba'
what you get is the same pattern of secret keeping and rationalizing
that is typical for a dysfunctional family.
"You shouldn't complain, we got treated even worse."
"Master doesn't let just anyone stay here, most applicants get turned away.
They'd love to take your place."
"Guru was really traumatized when he escaped from China/his her family
were killed and tortured. So expect him to be crabby now and then."
"Murshid or Baba or Guru got sick because you had all those negative thoughts
about him."
"Guru is enlightened and you can't pass judgement on what he/she does."
*Rinpoche is only harsh with people who have special potential
-- its a compliment."
"But that is how Rinpoche's own master taught him/her."
"You're a whiny Westerner with a big ego"
"You're an immature Westerner who wants to be spoonfed".
" It's a Tibetan cultural thing, you can't understand."
"We give the authentic training here. The other sanghas don't
have the guts to challenge your ego."
"If you give up now, you'll lose all progress you've made".
* You're overthinking this"
* You're intellectuallizing this"
* Analytical thinking hinders your spiritual progress"
* "It is crazy wisdom"
* "Other places are worse than here, or other places are not even taking students, this is your only option."
If you do point out that there is a pattern, having someone reply:
* Your'e projecting YOUR issues onto this".
(A devastating version of this is for someone to whom you've confided
your own history of trauma to state that these are your own specific hangups being projected. Suppose someone confides to a senior student that she's been
abused in the past. Later, this person is hit on by a lama. (Abusers are
clever at sensing which students lack strong boundaries)
So someone who has confided her past history of trauma to a senior student
may when trying to tell that senior student that the Rinpoche hit on her
by be told by the senior student that she's just projecting fears of past abuse onto the present moment, stop conplaining about Rinpoche and instead, 'deepen her practice'.
You clam up and assume someone else is overseeing the finances or sangha
and that they will remedy the abuses. In Vajrayana it is common to hope that
a few words from the throne holder of the lineage or from the Dalai Lama
will cure all the problems. Troubled followers of Ole Nydahl (Diamond Sanga)
spent years upon years expecting the Karmapa (leader of their sect) to step in
and Make The Problems Go Away. This is the ostrich head in the sand approach.