It's a deeply emotionally charged place to be in life: Questioning a life long belief that we were taught to just follow without questioning and at times with fear of punishment or not being able to seek our own life path.
There is no denying the butler cult is ripe with foulness. That is the experience of both ex-cult members as well as the facts at hand. They are facts. A lot of what has surfaced in recent years is not made up, but is supported by evidence much of which is documented here on this extensive forum.
The anger, frustration and venomous attacks on the cult by certain parties is not due to an abstract hate of "hinduism". This is incorrect, and in all honestly, there are few hindus who would look at the butler cult as a real expression of hinduism. As far as the detail of the at times atheistic or more extremists views presented by certain people—this is not, again, to be confused with some sort of anti-hindu sentient. in fact, in terms of philosophical conceptions and a gernal appreciation of culture and tradition, we are all in agreement that India is by far very a major contributor.
Without getting into the specifics of the fallacies and confusion surrounding the effort and intention of ex-cult members in shedding light on the butler cult, suffice it to say it comes from a place of substantial pain and confusion suffered at the hands of this cult. No question this is something that is a foreign experience to you, dear Surabi and some other 2nd/3rd generation butler cult kids. Good for you, indeed. But where does that leave the voice and experiences of others?
Several years back, when I started to really grapple with what I went through and it's implications over nearly 2 decades, I wanted to go back and explore what I went through that has left me feeling so alone and confused and upset. At the same time I also felt a great feeling of liberation and newfound happiness in finally freeing my mind from some of the mythology and craziness that abounded in the various krishna groups I was a part of. I was finally making some peace with the notion that this india-centric god (dhotis, lotus flowers, cows, peacocks, elephants and rig-vidic nature deities) I had been worshipping was far from the ideal I had imagined it to be. I started to study and research and having been to india several times I was acquainted with the personalities and ideas associated with the cult on a deeper level.
It was during this time that I started a blog that I have since taken down documenting my time with the Baguio Brahmacharis. The blog was an attempt to draw out some of my old friends from the butler boys school I went to in the Philippine Islands. It was an unbiased, respectful attempt at discussion. The question was simple: What happened to us there? Was I the only one that felt a sense of disconnection, anxiety and loss? Was I the only one that seemed to feel that it was not right for us to have been sent to a school 6000 miles from our parents to just live and worship a picture of a man, listen to his lectures which were often filled with critical views on science, homosexuality, anger at disciples, calling out of materialism and other religious groups as inferior and flawed... Was it ok that we lived in a environment that did not in any way prepare us to live in a real world out there? That we spent our mornings, from 4am to 9pm taking cold bucket showers, studying archaic mythology and chanting, praying, and devoting our minds to the concept that life is just a cycle of birth, disease, old age and death? That we can find our true merit in life by rote chanting?
I heard crickets. In fact, only 1 (nitai bishop) of the 36 boys I had gone to school with came out of the woodwork. That struck me as odd. I asked him to reach out and tell the others. I made "friends" with a few of them on FB and elsewhere to try to say "hey guys! how's it going? How is life? Would you care to discuss this time of our life?". Again, nothing. Crickets. It struck me as odd. But deep in side I sensed a reason for it. Even while in the cult, Butler was becoming increasingly reclusive and his whereabouts and what he was up to where always shrouded in mystery and secrecy. So it made sense that his disciples were also like this... Like father, like son.
I started search around for information. What happened to this group? I came upon website after website with simplistic, pleasant sounding, yoga-oriented quotes of butler, pictures of him from the 80s and a few straggling "you're not your body" lectures. Wow! After nearly 20+ years, there was nothing but this left of the very active cult I grew up in? I recalled how butler made such a big deal to his disciples in letters (blaming them for his deteriorating health) that they should be more careful in preserving his lectures and so forth—yet, here we were some 20 years later and there was noting new in terms of videos or recordings.
In my research, I cam to discover this forum. I read bits and pieces. I often found the comments to be inflammatory and angry. Sometimes bluntly and baselessly critical for no particular end other than to shame or discredit certain people. I don't personally agree with that method. I have made that clear here and in private to many people on this forum. My concern is the larger issue of what we went through as kids and was it in fact damaging. My conclusion is that it was. All the other evidence and substantiated comments, many of which I can attest to as well, are perhaps at times filled with rage and anger and frustration, but they come from a place of wanting to point out the truth and the hurt and pain that was caused.
This is not including my painful time breaking away from the butler group in early 1996 when butler rejected a slew of his followers who wanted to travel to india and hear other god-brothers speak for inspiration since he was not actively preaching anymore (we were literally blown away by the callous and cold way that this person we all faithfully followed became diabolically possessive over his followers who wanted nothing more than to keep advancing in their association and knowledge of the path they spent many years surrendering to and pursuing). It was during this time that butler sent his right hand man, Tusta Krishna to become part of the so-called WVA (world vaishnava association). During this time, the gaudiya vaishnava scene was doing anything in it's power to break away from the bad rep it had in association to ISKCON. Butler never made it to the various ceremonies and founding members were sycophants at best in who they admitted as members. As time went on this organization is not even active in any legitimate way nor is there any real structure or ideal behind it. The aim was to unify the various groups of gurus (literally hundreds) that sprouted up after the main guru's died. There was so much resistance about having good ol chris in the WVA, but in the end it would have been bad politics to not let him in. And Tusta Krishna wasted no time in making that known to the founding members. As vaishnavas are gentle and peaceful folks, they did not feel it proper to exclude a "fellow" guru.
This may not be the same experiences as members nowadays have. I feel that chanting and belief and study of the gita has value. For the most part, the philosophy is harmless if taken symbolically and with a grain of salt. As an atheist, I am much more stimulated by the discussion and study of the 8 out of 9 schools of atheistic philosophy of India's great thinkers than dabbling in something that I feel is laughable and trite, namely, feeling that the summon bonum of existence is to imagine that we are going to go back to goloka vrnadaban and engage in eternal rasa of gopi-bhav. Or worse, that we do not care if we ever go there because we are content with love in separation or one other such idealistic fantasy.
But, I respect that this is not everyones assertion who practices gaudiya vaishnavsim. And as such, I don't condone baseless hindu-bashing and bigotry of any type. I will not, however, stand behind a wall of silence about my personal experience and realizations.
Rama lost something that was very dear to him: His mother and father. His only ability to retain their presence in his life was to stay behind a wall of silence and fear about what he saw as injustice of the highest order. While his way of showing his emotion is less than agreeable to some, it does start discussions.
Blatantly poking fun of various cult members or attacking them on various social media is not acceptable in my eyes. Creating logical and structured debate and argument as well as presenting nothing more than facts is something I can stand behind happily and support. But looking at Rama's blog or the late flashlight on roaches, I don't really see any major falsification of information. In fact, spoofing and showing something to be ridiculous and spineless can be a great method of opening peoples eyes. It's done daily with Donald Trump and many public and political figures. In the case of most, if not all the people Rama has clowned on, this stands to be true. They are either political figures, film actors or some sort of public entity.
Here is the fact: The cult bullied rama. They made him out to be a human flaw and ejected him from contact with his family. Sure, this made him angry and may have led to some very personal (verbal) attacks on his family and friends and others in the cult. But this is literally ONE man, against a cult of MANY who are totally welcome to challenge and fight back and smear his name as well or put up a good argument for their guru—who seems to be out of commission to answer any questions anyway. The other person in question, Henry, is a filmmaker and has been very instrumental in revealing some very honest questions and events. While it may be distasteful to hear the truth about your cult, please do not lump it in with some sort of "anti-hindu" sentiment. This again makes you look like a cult. I highly doubt if a hindu family set up a surf shop in Kailua with Ganesh and Shiva and Laxmi pictures plastered around their shop that they would get much of a raised eyebrow or effect out of the likes of Rama and Henry or even Kailua locals—Hawaii is no stranger to hindu god worship and goddess parties and so forth. The issue at hand is clearly pointing out that this cult has their hands in things that mater: Politics, innocent families and kids being born into it without ANY knowledge about who they are worshipping and giving their time, money and energy to. Ultimately Rama and Henry's efforts to expose this cult have raised some important questions as well as hairs on our neck.
The fact that butler has given some good knowledge or inspiration is neither here nor there. So has Deepak Chopra and any number of Oprah Whinfreys and Swamis. Anyone who claims to be a credible source of knowledge and dignity needs to be vetted and shown for who they really are. This is done with politicians, social workers, and anyone in a position of power/authority—telling people what is right and wrong. It is called democracy. We all have a right to review the credentials of those who speak for a minority or any group big or small.
I feel sad when I read blogs like [
www.dreamingofaloha.com]. They are filled with a message of discrimination and lack of fairness to the parties who really need the aloha most. I highly doubt that Surabi's family is viewed by local as threats or with any hatred. In fact, anyone who sees her art or reads her stories and sees her family and understands the plight of her disease, no matter what religion or faith or political background, will say that they appreciate her life and her struggle. In fact, that is the beauty found innately in most people (without a superstitious god). When they are informed of the personal struggle and fear of others, they open up and want to help.
Those who are expressing some so-called bigotry or narrow view of your faith—they are just afraid of something they do not know and is confusing to them. They are confused why a local family man was mowed down by a cult member who is known for his shoreline antics. They are confused and scared that in their midst lives a reclusive tin-foil-encaged guru who has yet to show his face, but controls the lives and allegiance of so many simple and nice people. They do not understand why so much secrecy and oddity surrounds a group of people who should be simply enjoying their life and not bowing down to a man who should get a job and earn a living or move to the himalayas and meditate. This is not envy or crooked thinking. It's a legitimate social/communal fear.
Imagine if you were living in a community where there was some boarded up house, that you heard was lined with tin-foil and a bunch of free laborers were coming in and out of the house and known for terrorizing the shorelines and ultimately ran over one of your communities dear friends and members... What would you do? How would you feel? Would you not be afraid and angered? Anger is a human emotion. It's something we feel from birth as we create concepts of injustice and inequity in social and personal structures (it's not just born form so-called lust as the Gita would have you believe). We may or may not be our body and there may or may not be an afterlife, but being simple and acting out of fear is the same driving force that leads you to chant every day on beads and others to stand up for an implied or real injustice and falsity. People want to know. They want to feel safe and not confused.
It's tough. I don't pretend to know the answer to what is proper or real or false. If you read your india's scriptures, you will see they are filled with sages and kings making antagonizing statement, manipulating, cursing and angering the gods. Perhaps these scriptures are trying to show us that these are a fundamental part of the human flaw. We are who we are. We are not perfect. We are not able to conceive what perfection even is perhaps because it does not exist. As devotees we are taught to beat the mind down and subjugate it. This internal war is illustrated in the texts of the Gita and other scriptures. Life is a fight. Life is war. Life is life. And then after that there is only death. And it's done. So what we have to make an impact and leave a mark is this time now. That's it.
At the end of the day—SIF would benefit from a bit less secrecy surrounding their faith. If it is indeed a "universal" path, then share it with openness and pride. And when people ask about the schools in the Philippines, the toe nail eating, the tin foil—by golly, stand up for yourself and have an answer about it that makes sense and in the least is open and honest. When people ask about Tulsi or any number of political moves within the cult—explain your stance. SIF does not seem to have a problem cowering behind the "hindu" banner when times are tough. But it just reeks of cowardice and duplicity in the end. Actions speak loader than words.
And please, enough with the so-called hindu bashing rhetoric. Fact is that I'm an Atheist Hindu and study the various philosophical works of India regularly and with focus on the incongruences of the scriptural myths and how they developed historically and what purposes they served as both literal and symbolic texts. India's great philosophical and spiritual traditions span so many ideas and faiths that nearly anyone can comfortably find a chair at the table of so-called Eastern Thought.
