So, we tentatively go along to group – confused and trying to understand things, things we’ll never understand because we’re not meant to. Double-binds are designed to utterly confuse and not make sense, no matter which way you look at it. But some people, try as they may, will keep on trying to work them out, to figure them out, totally believing that they are at fault. In actual fact, there is nothing wrong with them at all. It is after all human nature to try and work out confusing concepts until we ‘get it’. This is a neat little cult tool to keep us interested in them, in coming back to another group and keeping going with the cult ideology. If you don’t run these double-binds by other people to see how they react, you’ll be left wondering what the answer is and return to a group. Other people will get the same reaction as you have in your gut instinct. Which that it is total bull, rubbish. There IS NO ANSWER. The double-binds are set up to confuse you, and they are not only used to keep people staying in the cult believing that they are stupid and ‘don’t get it yet’, but to confuse you and entice you to actually join up, keep going to group, keep seeking the answers. If anyone you love or know of comes up with stupid concepts they’ve heard in a group meet-up, please stop them from going again. They really are not missing out on anything – most especially RealLove. If you are unable to stop them from going to groups, you will find out, just like many others on the two threads on this site, that they will end up disowning you and the rest of the family, friends and workplace. Help them to stay away at ALL COSTS. Lead them to this website, get them to read a book on cults or to read articles, anything, but do your best. Attending RealLove groups is the fishing net that will catch you unawares and reel you, or them in.
If you haven’t come across the books then you’ll be convinced week after week that you NEED to read them all, to subscribe to video chats, do any of the seminars or weekend programs, to get onto the Facebook Secret Page and to befriend someone in RealLove who can ‘love you’ if you get distressed with your life, or knowingly demonstrate Baer’s ‘Getting and Protecting’ behaviours, attitudes at any point. RL people are on alert all the time, at the other end of a phone to ‘love you’ anytime you need it. They will all bend over backwards to take your call and ‘love’ you – the RealLove way of course! Once you’ve been ‘loved’ over the phone a few times it makes it harder and harder to actually NOT go to the group that you are slowly becoming addicted to.
The books, supposedly, give clarity about some stuff and answers to the things we seek answers about and which will give us hope and a belief that this RealLove©(Trademark, Registered) ‘stuff’ is the right way to go. You’ll ponder “Maybe if I do this, then I’ll get all the answers and all my problems regarding relationships with people and with life in general and my life will be better?” But at the same time you’ve also become highly confused by material in the books too – and not all the concepts lead you to fully enact what you read and to bring into your life. The books feel overwhelmingly incomplete – and they are. If you took all the usable and relevant stuff from every book and put it into one, you’d have a good and useful book. But the useful stuff is spread thinly across so many books, each covering a different theme (parenting, workplace, victimhood, wise people, dating, marriage, etc.) and are repetitive and boring. They also entice the reader to believe that the books only have part of the answer to what RealLove©(Trademark, Registered) is all about, and that you can only access the rest, the secrets and the full deal by signing up to the full program. The reality is that each and every book has all there is to know about RealLove©(Trademark, Registered) in it. The whole thing is very limited and the books are it. However, both the confusion of wanting the clarity you didn’t quite get in the groups and books, and the hope from the little you did get, keep you INTERESTED ENOUGH to keep pursuing RL for a little while longer.
The books, all of them, are hiding the truth and only conning you into feeling that you have some form of agency on the one part while massaging your emotions enough for you to want to know what it all means. How it works. What do you have to do. All the queries found from reading the books will be brought up and explored at group – the same things each time a new person starts going along. But again, beware, because those running the group lie in wait, waiting and knowing what your questions will be, knowing they’ll come up and being ready with every single possible answer under the sun. Not to provide the answer – just confuse you more! Remember, that people have been trained by Greg Baer himself, so they are well prepared for people like you – who question things, who have doubts, who are confused. Greg’s style and words are filtered down through coaches, to wise people, to other RealLove adherents. Thus, in your confusion you ask questions and instead of getting answers, you get even more confusion, with the smallest bit of clarity thrown in (so as not to scare you off!). The little bits of clarity are the important bits that a totally confused and vulnerable person will remember. And so, most importantly for RealLove©(Trademark, Registered) they can now begin to grow the steadily increasing emotional dependence needed to one day fully commit and submit to RealLove© (Trademark, Registered). And while you go along to group after group you are gradually getting more and more ADDICTED to love (not ‘real’ love, but the fake RL version) and feeling seen and accepted in this little fantasy world that you don’t tell anyone you are still doing! Yep, you kept it a secret that you went back to this strange little cult-like group, when everyone warned you not to go back! But you did so because you were curious and wanted some more answers first. You will soon be irreversibly TRAPPED.
You sit there in group wondering why “You’re not getting stuff like the others do. They know this stuff really well. I don’t. I don’t get it. But they do, they really understand and they really seem to be happy”. What we don’t realise is that most of the people spouting the RealLove jargon are not really getting much stuff either – but demonstrate that they do. They are putting on a show too! They want for you to join the happy little them-and-us fantasy world.
But by now, all these weeks in, you can’t see what’s really happening as you actually accept that the LOVE-BOMBING, HUGGING, STARING, HAND-HOLDING, TOUCHING and HOLDING are ‘real’ love for you – when in reality it is the RL principles of acceptance being played out, the way things are done in RealLove©(Trademark, Registered). However, you also have this urge to know more, because you are still not ‘getting’ it all, not joining the dots and still feeling confused about it all. Fact is, these people don’t really love you – they’re just evoking the physical feelings of feeling loved by all these actions – which they were included for just this purpose. So you are gradually more ‘open’ to suggestion, the more you feel relaxed, seen, accepted and loved at these groups. We are, of course, and as scientifically proven, at our most open and vulnerable when we are feeling loved. And while you feel loved by these wonderful people who you are learning to trust – because you’ve told them secret stuff about yourself as they have shared secret stuff about themselves – you are also heading towards total addiction and dependence on RealLove©(Trademark, Registered) to fulfil your life now.
So, not really getting all the answers from books or groups you might be drawn to watching the videos that have been put up onto the internet via youtube, or even sign up to ‘Greg-chat’ videos. The videos build rapport with the viewer and induce you gradually into a light hypnotic state. Suggestions are installed to buy products, get interventions, do things in certain ways (the way Greg says to), to feel like a small child. The videos often cause people to sleep the more often they are listened to – but that’s okay as they are doing their work regardless of your being awake or asleep.
As the groups continue to progress your inner child comes to the surface and the emotional turmoil within you increases. You keep seeing others who ‘get it’ and seem happy and continue to question yourself. Then, as more truth sharing’s come out, often drawn out very early in group attendance, you will be made well aware that all emotional pain in our life is the result of being totally unloved and parented badly by our parents as a child. Even unconnected events in adulthood can be made to connect to childhood. You will be told that you, as well as the whole world (even Buddhist monks, nuns and all races of people on the whole planet) are suffering from Greg Baer’s invention that he calls PCSD (Post Childhood Stress Disorder). You will be told that all adults, yourself included, are only the emotional and mental age of only 2 or 3 years old. And as the weeks go by you will get to become more and more infantilised. This is seen in the holding process – which is directly why it is like it is, because Greg says we all missed out on being held properly, and so we now need to experience it as an adult so that we can become whole and grow up properly (courtesy of RealLove). In the videos and chats you’ll hear Greg address the viewers and the people in his dialogue in childish terms – kiddo, kid, sweetie, honey etc. He is always talking ‘down’ to the viewer as though they are an ignorant, innocent and curious child and never with the viewer seen as an intelligent adult. The videos include several stories of Greg mocking and shaming everyone not doing his advice and following RealLove to the letter. His way. Using his principles, his advice ONLY. The most common one is to shut people down, lock their minds so that they are unable to critically respond, examine or reflect. In fact he does not tolerate any form of assertiveness and criticism whatsoever.
The RealLove daddies and mummies (coaches) and those completely addicted all promote full and complete IMMERSION into RealLove materials at the expense of anything else whatsoever. This immersion in reading only RL books, doing RL groups, attending RL courses and seminars, attending an intervention, listening in on conference calls every night, going to see your daddy in person, calling your daddy regularly and getting ‘coached’, watching the weekly video chat and watching the stock of chats available to listen to over and over and over. We can look on from afar and see why RL encourages full immersion very clearly – none other than to create addiction, dependency, co-dependency, and a mind that can be controlled, influenced and coerced easily without the person knowing or aware of what is going on. And furthermore, to induce you into being infantilised. No healthy, whole and sane adult would sit on the lap of another and tell this stranger “I love you, Daddy” or lay in that persons arms and be like a baby! No one! But when you are infantilised this is what you do. This is why these mind-control, persuasive coercion, psychological influence and thought-reform are doing – breaking your mind-set down into that of a small child in order you think and perceive like a small child – and thus do as a child would. A child would sit on a grown-ups lap. An adult doesn’t do this. A child waits patiently for their mummy or daddy to hold them in a warm loving cuddle and so too do RealLove adherents wait all week for their little cuddle from daddy!
The subtle thought-reform techniques and mind-control is bouncing off the walls everywhere you look when it comes to RL. And sadly, no one really has any awareness this is happening to them as it is all perceived as being ‘normal’ – unless you know what to look for and spot what’s going on. You might continue to keep RL a big secret, because when you first spoke about it everyone questioned it – so you’ve decided to keep your dependency and addiction a secret form everyone. RL knows that people will do this – and it works to RL’s advantage. What a clever technique! You are now TRAPPED.
In RealLove every possible human emotion as ‘a call to be loved’ is taken to the literal extreme, and the only response to that call is to ‘love the person’ in, of course, the RealLove way. NOT to respond in any way or form in a spontaneous way – not an act of authentic, natural and genuine responsiveness coming directly from the heart. No. Not that type of ‘real’. Not the ‘real’ thing at all. You have to first make some assumptions, apply some RL labels, and then make a decision as to whether your RealLove radar tells you it is right to give your love or not. Or indeed, ‘if you choose to’. Nothing ‘real’ about RealLove, it is all about making a choice and a decision based on Greg Baer’s principles. First and foremost – you don’t have to be loving at all. You only get to be loving if you ‘choose’ to. While most love people unconditionally, without a thought or a delay in their actions, people doing RealLove tend to think first. Most people ‘know’ when to apply a loving response and when something needs a different sort of attention – like listening carefully. So therefore irritation, offence, annoyance, frustration and a whole load of other emotions that are trying to tell us something are overlooked in favour of just ‘loving’ the person. Basically, this means shutting down their natural response to share what is bothering them – to hold it in and shut up. This seems to be the main response “You just need love you poor thing. Here let me hug you”.
This locking down of a person’s natural need to work things through, figure things out and understand something is totally overlooked and shut down completely. A hug cures all and everything. This is Baer’s answer to most things in his video chats too! It is quite horrendous that he feels that children and young people just need a hug, when they are clearly craving or needing to be heard. This ‘holding in’ and not allowing people to express what needs to be expressed is damaging and one of the major causes of PTSD. But it is rife in RealLove. All you have to do is take away a person’s voice, leave things unresolved and let their identity gradually fade away. Feelings that need sorting out don’t just go away with a hug and all is better – they bubble and boil away somewhere, they fester and cause very deep and serious emotional problems over time – which will inevitably come to the surface one day, with very serious consequences. RealLove is probably the worst thing that anyone can do who already has mental health problems. However, if someone persists and pushes to get their emotional problems heard, in order that they be resolved and understood – after all we all need to have our voice heard – then that person will be accused by RealLove of ‘living in fear’ and that they are ‘empty’ and the cure for which is that they need to be loved (in the RealLove way of course – which means a hug, and being held like a baby with long-gaze staring). This is NOT going to make things better – this might relax a person and calm them down, but these actions do not solve the problem and only help to keep the person bottling things up for ‘fear’ of expressing themselves and/or ‘splashing’ all the poor loving people doing RealLove with all their negativity. These reactions to people’s normal human needs are unhealthy. Suppressing our feelings does not teach us anything. Different feelings and emotions are there to teach us something – something that we need to learn about our self or others. Yes, ALL feelings and emotions are either from a place of love or fear, we all know that, but we also need to understand that each feeling tells us something different and important.
So what have we got so far, after attending a few groups and reading a couple of RealLove books? We have a range of very well-known and utilised techniques from every small and large, known and unknown cult that ever existed. We have seen…
Love-bombing - holding/cradling – touching – long-gaze staring – hugging – double-binds – conversational hypnosis – suggestive light trance hypnosis (videos) – mental lock-down
And, we’ve only had the most minimal of contact with RealLove…………there’s more!!!
